Greetings, and thanks for reading. Salutations, and I appreciate your support in reading my blog. I hope you enjoy reading about my life and how I overcame attempting to be perfect. Hello, and welcome to the shit show. This is me trying to figure out how to introduce you all to my first blog post and help you understand what you might get out of reading. But in all reality, I don't care. I don't care if you read, I don't care if you like what I have to say, I don't care if you share with your loved ones.
I don't care
Or do I? Ahh that is the question I ask myself on the daily, every hour, every second of the day. Do I care? Does so and so like me? Did I handle that situation well? Am I good enough? These are tough questions that I have spent most of my childhood, teenager years, and most of my adult life asking myself. Now you may be thinking that I am writing this blog to provide you advice on how I stepped up and overcame these tough questions in my life, but you would be wrong. I'm sorry to disappoint, I don't have it all figured out, nor will I ever.
I am writing this blog for me, and if it happens to help one of you in the process that will bring me happiness. I have struggled most of my life with being perfect, fitting into someone else's box, and not fully knowing my true self. Again, I'm not saying that I 100% know who I am, but I am getting a lot closer...I'm imperfectly joyful.
Imperfect...What does this truly mean. Well, I am a science nerd and had to do some research before writing my first blog post. Imperfectly, according to the Cambridge dictionary means,
...in a way that is damaged, contains problems, or does not have something it should...
Wow...that hits hard doesn't it? Yep, that's me down to my core! I am damaged, I contain more problems than I can count on my fingers and toes, and I don't have something that I should (what is that something?? No fucking idea...but I always feel like I should have it) Messed up right?! Well, wait a minute I said I was imperfectly JOYFUL...there is always two side to every story.
So what does joyful mean? According to the lovely large dictionary, joyful, is an adjective meaning,
very happy, having or causing great happiness.
Well there you go folks...I am a very happy, damaged, problematic human. And I am learning to love myself for that. Some days are way harder than others, trust me they are hard, but other days my Joy out weighs the damage.
So let me tell you a little bit more about me, so you can prepare yourself for what is ahead. I am a woman in my 30's, with two kids, I have a full time somewhat stressful job, and a wife to a firefighter. I work as a nurse manager at my local acute care hospital. I manage 3 floors of a 10 story hospital with over 50 direct nurses reporting to me. We help care for over 100 patients on our floors from our community with multiple healthcare disparities. Oh and COVID...more on that in a later post.
I have been married to my husband Nick for 9 joyful years. We have been together for 14 years in total and have brought 2 beautiful, feisty, and smart little humans into this world. Tucker Norman, 5 and Avery Mae, 3. Tucker is our thumb sucking, clumsy, handsome young boy. He feels everything with his whole heart, so there is a lot of tears with this kid. Then there is Avery, she is our sassy, fierce, and lovable baby girl. She knows what she wants, and normally gets it.
Nick and I have been in cahoots for over 14 years. He is the reason I breath, he supports my dreams no matter how crazy they are, such as starting a blog. He is my guiding light in this world, he makes me live as the best version of my imperfectly joyful self. He loves me through my fits of anxiety, pant sizes, and life's baggage. I wouldn't be the woman I am today, without his love, freckles, and sexy voice. (hint...more to come on all of those :))
So, in closing, this blog is a way for me to reflect on both my imperfect and joyful days. I am a hard working wife, mother, friend, nurse, daughter, granddaughter, aunt, niece, and most of all Imperfectly Joyful.